


Look in the Back Room Where we Hide all of our Feelings

by blueabsinthe



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Blow Jobs, Dirty Talk, Face-Fucking, M/M, New York Rangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-05
Updated: 2013-08-05
Packaged: 2017-12-22 12:11:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/913075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueabsinthe/pseuds/blueabsinthe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek reflects on how 'Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue ...' applies to him and Ryan an hour, or so, before Ryan's wedding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Look in the Back Room Where we Hide all of our Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> So, McDonagh recently tied the knot, and well, everything else kind of snowballed from there.

Derek was always aware of the importance of tradition. He'd lived it during his college days, during the World Juniors, and in the NHL. 

He followed tradition. Made it a habit to remember the history behind a certain one. Take now for example. He was sitting in a chair, pondering old wedding traditions. The old, traditional rhyme of 'something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue ...' was usually applied to the bride, and Derek knew some brides still followed the words. 

Except, he was finding it was a pretty apt way to describe the history he shared with Ryan. It was what he found himself focusing on as he sat in his chair watching the way Ryan's shoulders moved as he fastened his cufflinks. 

Ryan frowned, his eyes eyeing Derek in the mirror, before he turned to look at him. "You look a million miles away."

Derek looked up when he heard Ryan's calm voice echo in the stillness of the room. "Just thinking, that's all."

Ryan walked the few steps towards Derek, before he nudged his knee with his leg. His eyes were penetrating as they stared down at him. "About?" he prompted.

Derek shrugged, before he got to his feet, his crystalline blue eyes locked on Ryan's. The proximity of their bodies was making him dizzy, or maybe that was Derek's mind playing tricks on him. He resisted the urge to run his fingers through Ryan's hair, knowing full well what would happen if he allowed himself to do just that. Ryan was not his for now. Couldn't be his for the day. Maybe not even for months. 

He touched Ryan anyway. Derek pressed his hands to Ryan's shoulders, and he heard himself inhale sharply when his fingers brushed against Ryan's shirt collar.

"Even after all this time, you still have problems with tying ties," Derek said jokingly.

"That's old news, Steps," Ryan joked.

Derek laughed, his blue eyes flicking up to look at Ryan.

" _That's old new, Steps_ …"

_Something old_ … Derek thought. He hasn't forgotten all those times in their college dorms. He doesn't think he could even if he tried. Derek thinks about all those times with Ryan in bits and pieces: the slope of Ryan's bare shoulder as he undressed, the way Ryan's pale skin tasted like sugar and cream, and his blunt nails as they dug into Derek's back as he came. Derek has never been able to get the taste of Ryan out of his mouth. It lingers like the after taste of scotch, but sweeter, like sugarcane. 

Derek forces the memories away, and realizes his hands are still resting on the sides of Ryan's shirt. "Some old things never change, Mac," he finally says, before he finishes fixing Ryan's tie.

"Given the circumstances for why I'm having troubles with my tie, I'd say it's natural for me to be a bit nervous," Ryan murmured, his eyes never leaving Derek's.

Derek laughed, before he focused his efforts on adjusting the collar of Ryan's shirt. If he was honest, the more he tried to focus on the seemingly mundane task of fixing Ryan's shirt and tie, the less Derek thought about Ryan's hands and the way they used to slide over his skin. 

"Don't sweat it, Mac, you'll be fine," Derek said, trying to keep the tone light in an effort to hide the nervous little titter threatening to creep into his voice. He ran his hands down Ryan's chest, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles in his immaculately pressed shirt. Derek meant it to be a comforting gesture, despite every muscle in his body screaming at him to pull Ryan close and kiss him. "Time for new memories, right?" 

_Something new_ … 

Derek pushed the niggling memories away as he glanced up at Ryan. "Something the matter, man?" he asked, noticing the doubt colouring Ryan's blue irises. 

"Are we … I mean … does this … we're okay?" Ryan choked out, hands coming up so his fingers could curl delicately around Derek's wrists. 

Derek could practically hear Ryan's heart as it hammered against his ribcage. He was getting dizzy the longer he stood in such close proximity to Ryan. Ryan was so near ... near enough Derek was sure he could see the way Ryan's eyes darkened with need. Christ, he couldn't take this. 

"We're okay," Derek managed to get out. 

"Steps ..." Ryan's voice trailed off as he leaned in across the space separating them, his hands sliding Derek's hands away from his torso, before he caught Derek's mouth with his. One of his hands came back up to curl around the back of Derek's head, holding his mouth against his.

The scent of lilies hung in the air. It made Derek dizzy, or maybe it was the fact he was clinging to Ryan's form, fingers digging into the fabric of his shirt.

"Steps," Ryan whispered, and all Derek could think was how the tone of his voice sounded so much like it did the first time Ryan jerked him off in his college dorm room.

He trembled under Ryan's hand, breathy little whimpers leaving his lips as Ryan's nose nuzzled his jaw.

"Mac ..." Derek whispered, "we don't … we'll be missed."

Ryan's teeth scraped over Derek's neck, and Derek inhaled sharply. "I'm not getting married for another hour or so," he breathed, his lips trailing up Derek's neck, before they hovered over the shell of his ear. "Besides, you don't want to stop this," he said pointedly.

Derek was having a hard time trying to keep his breathing steady as Ryan slid his lips down his neck.

"Steps," Ryan whispered, sliding a hand down Derek's chest. "Please ..."

"We ..." Derek's voice trailed off when he felt Ryan's hand come to a rest atop his belt. "This is ..."

"This is what we both want," Ryan whispered, undoing Derek's belt. "Don't deny it. Especially since we're kinda on borrowed time now."

_Something borrowed_ … 

Derek was almost out of his mind with need as Ryan kept murmuring _Steps_ , over and over again against his ear. He barely heard the rasp of his pants zipper being lowered, until he felt Ryan's warm fingers curl around his cock. 

His legs nearly buckled, and if it wasn't for Ryan's steadying hand on his arm, Derek was sure he would have collapsed to the ground. "Mac," Derek said in a choked whisper, fingers clinging to Ryan's arms, as pathetic little whimpers left his lips. 

"Easy, Steps," Ryan said, a hint of amusement colouring the edges, before his mouth came to a rest on Derek's shoulder. 

In this position, Ryan's cologne tickled Derek's nose. Derek knew instinctively it was the same cologne Ryan had worn since college. Derek tried to convince himself he would be content to just breathe in Ryan's scent, but he knew it was a pipe dream. 

"Steps …" Ryan whispered, mouth moving over the tight cords of muscle in Derek's throat. 

Derek craned his head to the side to give Ryan more access to his neck, and he groaned as Ryan dipped the tip of his tongue into the hollow of his throat. One of his hands slid upwards into Ryan's hair. "Ry …" his voice trailed off as his other hand began a slow descent down Ryan's body. Over the slope of his shoulder, down his chest, past his abdomen, until he cupped Ryan through his dress pants.

"Jesus shit, Steps," Ryan groaned, his whole body vibrating with low, throaty moans as Derek ran his hand down the length of him.

Somehow, Ryan managed to gain some semblance of control, and he shoved Derek slightly away from him, so he could jerk Derek's shirttail out of his dress pants. 

"Ry …" Derek's tone conveyed it as a question, which made Ryan snap his eyes up to Derek. Derek's stare is wide-eyed, his expression one that makes Ryan want to kiss him senseless. 

"Have to …" Ryan starts, as he starts to undo the buttons of Derek's shirt, "have to know … need to know … need to know we'll be okay. That this" - here, he moves his hand between the space separating them - "is still going to be okay." Ryan hates the way his voice cracks on the word _okay_. 

Derek loosens his tie, before his hands take hold of Ryan's wrists, and pulls them away from his shirt. "We'll be okay," he says, tone reassuring. 

Derek's words seemed to be all the reassurance Ryan needed, before he leaned in slightly, so his mouth was hovering over Derek's. "Okay," he breathed finally, before he covered Derek's mouth with his. 

Before Derek had time to react, Ryan shoved a knee between his legs, his hands gripping Derek's hips tightly. Ryan pushed his leg up and pulled Derek's hips down with his hands seconds later. Derek sucked his breath in sharply, the sounds getting swallowed up by Ryan's mouth as it moved over his. He clutched at Ryan's upper arms, and gasped out unintelligible words as Ryan shifted the position of his leg. Derek ground his hips down against Ryan's thigh, his cock straining against the fabric of his dress pants.

"Shit," Derek breathed.

By now, Ryan's mouth had migrated to the front of Derek's throat, his mouth leaving hot, wet, open-mouthed kisses against the pale skin. There was a slight desperation in Ryan's kisses, almost as if stopping even for a moment would destroy him. His teeth nipped at the side of Derek's neck, his tongue tracing the marks his teeth left behind. Derek's breath got caught in his throat, his lungs trying desperately to force the breath from his system. 

Derek managed to get his hands tangled in Ryan's hair, tugging gently at first. He finally managed to pull Ryan back from his neck, a hand curling around the back of Ryan's neck, fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. Ryan leaned his forehead against Derek's as their eyes met. Their eyes - matching pools of blue - were glazed and full of longing. 

Ryan wasted no time in freeing Derek's length from his pants. He slid his hand deliciously slow over Derek's cock, eyes watching Derek's expression intently. He nibbled at his bottom lip as he pressed his thumb against the head of Derek's cock, which earned him a gasp and Derek's fingers digging into his arms. Derek's body trembled almost violently as Ryan moved his hand over in him a practiced motion. Derek almost hated how well Ryan knew his body, but he didn't have much time to dwell on the thought, before he felt Ryan sliding down his body, until his knees were resting on the floor. 

Ryan shifted, his mouth pressing against the thin skin just above the waistband of Derek's pants. "Steps …" he breathed one last time, before he grasped Derek's cock with one hand and lined his mouth up with the head.

"Ry …" Derek managed to get out, before Ryan's mouth closed over the tip of his cock.

Ryan's mouth moved slowly down Derek's length, his throat relaxing along the way, before he slid his eyes up to look at Derek.

_Something blue_ … Derek's thoughts seemed stuck here as he met Ryan's intense stare with one of his own. His legs trembled, and he cupped the back of Ryan's head with one hand as Ryan's mouth finally touched his own steadying hand. 

"Fucking hell that feels good," Derek choked out, resisting the urge to move his hips as Ryan pulled back slightly.

Ryan pressed his tongue to the underside of Derek's cock, and Derek couldn't help it, he jerked his hips, forcing Ryan's mouth further down on his cock.

Derek felt Ryan's fingers dig into his hips to hold him steady. "Sorry, sorry, sorry," he whispered over and over again as Ryan resumed his rhythm on his cock. 

Ryan sucks on Derek's cock hard, his cheeks hollowing, his eyes never leaving Derek's. Derek's making sounds low in the hollow of this throat that shoot straight down Ryan's spine, his blue eyes flickering with need. 

"Ry, please …" 

Ryan obliges Derek's breathy little plea by sucking harder on his dick, his tongue pressing along the entire underside of Derek's cock. 

Derek comes with his eyes screwed tightly shut, spilling hotly into Ryan's mouth. Ryan watches the way Derek's legs tremble and threaten to give out on him as he pulls off of Derek's length.

Derek helps Ryan to his feet, fingers threading into his hair, before he claims Ryan's mouth with his own. The remnants of his come linger on Ryan's tongue, and Derek is dizzy by the time they break apart, both panting heavily. Derek works the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip, which causes Ryan to groan at the sight. 

Ryan leaned in, sucking on the tip of Derek's tongue with his mouth, as his hands slid up the sides of Derek's body, before they came to a rest on his shoulders. 

"Steps …" Ryan's hands were applying the tiniest bit of pressure to Derek's shoulders, in an effort to get him on his knees. His eyes followed Derek as he knelt in front of him. Derek's hands slid up the backs of his legs shortly after, and Ryan's arms trembled in anticipation. 

"Fucking do it." Ryan's blue eyes darkened to an almost navy colour as his fingers dug almost brutally into Derek's shoulders.

Derek watched Ryan intently, hands cupping Ryan's hips to hold him steady. When their eyes finally did meet, Ryan's expression was heated, and full of need.

"Get me off," Ryan murmured. "Fucking do it, Steps. Make me come. I want to come in your mouth."

Derek's hands hurriedly made quick work of getting Ryan's belt, button, and zipper undone, before his hand was extricating Ryan's dick from its confines. Ryan was already hard, the tip of his cock leaking pre-come. Derek presses his tongue against the tip, before he pulls back slightly. 

Ryan tugs insistently on Derek's hair. "Don't tease," he says through gritted teeth.

Derek chuckles. "If you say so," he says, before his mouth moves to cover the head of Ryan's cock. 

Ryan moans, his hips jerking seemingly of their own accord, which forces his length further into Derek's mouth. Derek grips Ryan's hips, and pushes him away slightly.

"Fuck, Derek … I just wanna fuck your mouth," Ryan practically whines. 

Derek looks up at Ryan as he lets his dick slide out of his mouth. He has a smirk on his face, fist curled around the base of Ryan's cock. "What? Too slow for you?" 

Ryan shakes his head vigorously. "Is that why you're stopping?"

Derek laughs, and strokes Ryan from the base to the tip with his hand. Ryan digs his fingers into Derek's shoulder, his whole body trembling. 

"Who says I am?" Derek breathed against Ryan's dick, before his tongue traced the underside of his cock, and gently circled the head. 

"Derek, fuck -" Ryan's fingers slip over the fabric of Derek's shirt. "Come on."

Derek's mouth closed over the head of Ryan's cock, his tongue teasing the underside. Ryan inhaled sharply when he felt harsh suction around the head, and he bit his scream in two as Derek's mouth slid down slowly, his teeth gently grazing the skin.

"Fucking hell, Derek … That's it. Please … I just … Jesus fuck, don't you fucking stop."

And, because Derek's an asshole like that sometimes, he pulls off Ryan's dick, and lets his hand resume the rhythm his mouth had on Ryan's cock. His tongue swiped up the pre-come pooling at the head, and he blatantly ignored Ryan's volley of curse words. 

"You really need to put my dick in your mouth," Ryan growls. "Make me come, Steps. Come on."

Ryan's hands tugged on Derek's fine hair, trying to maneuver his head with his hands as he kept muttering 'Steps', and 'come on', over and over again. Derek looked up at Ryan, a teasing glint to his blue eyes as the tip of his tongue flicked across the head of Ryan's dick. 

Hearing Ryan's breathy little moans, and softly muttered curse words had to be one of the most erotic things Derek had ever heard. Ryan was driving him crazy. Not wanting to waste any more time than was necessary, Derek put his lips around Ryan's cock again, and began working a frantic rhythm with his mouth. Ryan let his head fall back, a long, drawn out sigh leaving his lips. Derek slid his hands up the backs of Ryan's legs, before they rested on Ryan's ass. 

"Oh, shit, yes," Ryan hissed, before he thrusts his hips, one hand cupping the back of Derek's head.

Derek doesn't even protest when Ryan starts to fuck his mouth, the hand on the back of his head guiding his mouth. When their eyes meet, Derek moans, which only spurs Ryan on more.

"More?" Ryan practically growls, thrusting his hips a little harder for emphasis. "You like it when I fuck your mouth, Steps?"

Derek sucks hard on Ryan's cock in answer, his cheeks hollowing as he does so. Ryan curses, the hand gripping Derek's head trembling slightly before he goes completely still.

_Fuck, yes, that's it, come for me_ , Derek thinks. 

"Motherfucking fuck, Steps …" Ryan groans, before he comes. 

Derek swallows most of Ryan's come, but a little bit spills out of the side of his mouth and trickles down his chin. He rests his forehead against Ryan's thigh shortly after, listening as their breathing slowed. Ryan pulls Derek to a standing position, thumb coming up to swipe at Derek's chin. 

"We good?" Ryan says, the uncertainty from earlier colouring his eyes again.

Derek offers him a small smile, straightens Ryan's tie, and runs the tip of his finger down the bridge of Ryan's nose teasingly, tapping the tip lightly with his finger. "We are."

Ryan relaxes slightly, and he smiles at Derek. "Okay."

Derek squeezes his shoulder, and returns Ryan's smile. "Let's get you married, then."


End file.
